[.....] I am amused with the funny fresh feeling in my wings; I am amused to the tempting sensation of getting lost where every direction seems like a forward to me.
Where to go now? I see my reflections clearer than ever, I know what I want but I am floating like a steam boat with no coal. It never gets easier, that is the new truth and the only principle about life as I see it now; it never gets easier but I become better at coping with it. I stay a little bit shorter in bed every new morning, I eat cleaner food, I channel my despair and frustration into running and meditation… the one thing I really need is coming too slow to be enough, I write. I write, but it is not enough for those waiting my writings; I wonder what is holding me back if it wasn’t fear? What is crippling me and my soul that hard? The words I have not written condensed together and made a sea of songs. I rest in the waters of the sea inside of me when I am tired of flying. I take a never ending deep breath and I feel how my body greets the air flowing inside of me. The exhaled air carries many songs from the sea inside of me and my entire body resonates with it like a vintage wooden music box. I am fully connected to myself and the world. I see my sadness, I touch my fears, I push my body to the next trustless step, I set my sails into a sea of faith.
At the end of the day I lay down on a sheet of fresh green grass that is hidden between the realms of my existence, I gently stretch my muscles and then release them, I inhale a never ending deep breath, I exhale a never ending lullaby; the songs I have not sung transcend throughout the layers of my disappointment and depression… they transcend outside all the realms I can see, outside the whole universe…. The songs I have not sung whisper quietly to me and lift me like a cloud of green stardust… I am transcending, I am limitless, I am wide awake; I am a word written on the milky ways with bones and flesh and a humane soul.
"I move slow and steady
but I feel like a waterfall..."
[Relief]
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